Bringing a little realism…

It’s the 80s and you don’t have a mullet–in fact, you’re genetically incapable of developing one.

Which, when it comes to buying an automobile, limits your choices. Face it, you’re forbidden to buy a Camaro or Firebird without one. You could possibly buy a Mustang, but you can only drive one of those if you own a pair of cowboy boots. A Corvette? Perhaps, but that requires an investment in jewelry and, well, some people don’t like to use hairspray on their chest hair.

Your domestic choices gone, you notice that some of your friends and coworkers are really enjoying their little BMWs. But they bought them over a year ago, and all the things you said at that party about their lifestyle choices would really come back to haunt you. A Mercedes? You’re not dead yet. Hmmm.

Ah, yes. The Swedes. Nope, a SAAB is only driven by those weird IT nerds; you need something more. Something more. . .square.

And so, I present to you, 80’s answer to male pattern baldness. The Volvo 740GLE.

photo 4

photo 1

Volvo: the shape of cars for bald men.

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